Yummy Holidays Coming Up....Excited or Groaning?

What comes to mind when you think of the "holidays"? Is it the aroma of cakes and pies and roasting turkey or ham? The thought of Santa bearing gifts on a sleigh? The nuts and chocolate or peppermint candy that will be overloading the coffee table,  next to the pine or pumpkin scented candles? Warm fires and caroling? Bundling up like an Eskimo and making snowmen? 

Or is it the warm fuzzy feeling of having an excuse to be with our family and friends?

I actually can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Not sure why. I of course can't wait to gorge on turkey (no mash potatoes this year thanks to my diet, or even the yummy deserts, sigh!) and most of the trimmings. But it wouldn't matter if we were eating Chinese, I just love the idea of our itty bitty family being able to get together and be in each-others company. 

Unfortunately our itty bitty little family keeps growing smaller now that my husband and I have both lost our fathers, but still. 

When I think of this years round of holidays coming up I can't help envisioning warm ovens of turkey and cakes steaming up the windows, obscuring the white snow-flakes outside. Warm coffee and cinnamon rolls (that I won't be able to eat :( ) But most importantly, all of us sitting around laughing, joking, playing a board game (most likely Trivial Pursuit unless I can talk them into Settlers of Catan, my new favorite game) and just BEING! 

Present. Together. Family. Love. 

Our itty bitty family consists of my husband, one mom each, a sister and brother-in-law, a nephew and myself. Sometimes my niece and her boyfriend. But that's pretty much it for Thanksgiving. It grows a little for Christmas with my side of the family of grandparents, cousins,  aunts and uncles. But that's okay. I've been part of the huge family togethers before and it gets really tedious if that's the only time you actually see anyone. So I very much enjoy our small family Thanksgiving. 

We make up for the small family with a deluge of friends. We always try to get our group together to share a Thanksgiving dinner before or after. It's the only way since we spend the actual day with family. We eat until we want to vomit, play games and basically just sit around and bull-shit. It's awesome.

But this year, the desire for the holidays seems more acute. At least for me having lost my dad almost a year ago now. 

Is that really why it seems more important now? Am I alone in feeling my mortality and want to appreciate who I still have around after losing someone so close? I want to think it doesn't really matter, that its always been important, and really it always has, but after a loss I guess its just that more poignant. 

You realize how much just one person not being around changes a day in a million little ways. Each of us is special and fragile and the loss of  any of us rips a hole into the fabric of our delicate world, shearing and reshaping it into a new tapestry. Most of the time its recognizable and comfortable. But there are those flashes  of pure bewilderment when you least expect it.  So we desperately grab hold of the familiar pieces of blanket that we can wrap around ourselves, and snuggle into. 

What do you think? Anyone else looking forward to the holidays this year. Or is it just another year of inconveniences that your just going to trudge through?